


Here or There

by Hellbrat (Ringred19)



Series: Here or There Verse [1]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012), olicity - Fandom
Genre: #OHFAT, #OlicityHiatusFic, #OlicityHiatusFic-A-Thon, Alternate Universe - Supernatural Elements, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Felicity Smoak-centric, Supernatural Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-23
Updated: 2017-08-23
Packaged: 2018-12-19 04:04:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11889618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ringred19/pseuds/Hellbrat
Summary: When life gets hard, sometimes it's easier to close your eyes and make it all go away. For Felicity sleep has become a thing of the past. When she closes her eyes these days something else happens...somewhere else happens...and it will be up to her team to figure out what's going on and pull her back from the edge.





	Here or There

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Never tried one of these prompts before but I woke up this morning and this just came to me and I had to write it. I figured I would give it a shot. I didn't even actually intend to post it, but my sister liked it so I figured...why not? The idea is sort of a weird nod to an old movie called "The Jacket" that I LOVED and absolutely recommend. It has a weird little supernatural twist to it, but then I love the supernatural. It gets a little angsty, but has a hopeful ending. I hope you enjoy! I'd love to hear what you think! :-)
> 
> You can also find me on tumblr as @mshellbrat 
> 
> Here goes!
> 
> ==========  
> Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!  
> ==========

banner by: Arienhod

It all started the night after Tockman. She was drugged up and so tired and she laid down to sleep, but then she just didn't...she went...somewhere else. Felicity felt it happen. Her mind just drifted away somehow. She watched herself float away from her own body and then she was flying through a swirl of colors and foreign images and then like a rubber band pulling tight she just snapped...back into her body. 

==========

Except...this wasn't HER body. She knew that somehow. She was sitting in her chair behind her station at the lair...except this wasn't their lair. It was different. But then Oliver was barking in her ear and information flooded through her brain and she knew what she had to do. Her fingers danced across the keyboard and she scanned through the information and she fed her team the intel they needed. She pulled up the traffic cams and followed their target. She hacked the traffic lights and cleared their path. She called to warn Lance to be ready.

Thirty minutes later, they were piling down the stairs. Oliver first, a satisfied smile on his face and a wink in her direction. John followed close behind wearing a helmet that both puzzled her and yet seemed familiar and right. Then a red leather-clad body and Felicity battled both recognition and shock as Thea danced past her dropping a hand on her shoulder for a quick squeeze. Finally that familiar blonde wig and a black-leather suit, but this...this wasn't Sara. This was Laurel! The lawyer nodded and moved on and Felicity felt lost...and yet not. Everything felt both wrong and yet right...so startlingly right. 

Somehow she found herself turning back to her station to finish up her work for the night. She needed to start those searches on Wilcox. Three businesses burning down in one year? They knew he was dirty. No one had THAT bad of luck. She lost herself in the data and silently ran code in her head for a new program she wanted to write. It would cut down their...

“Hey,” a warm familiar hand landed on her shoulder and she stopped and looked up. Oliver was smiling and looking down at her. “You ready to get out of here?”

Felicity frowned confused for a moment and pointed back to her monitors. “I was just...”

Oliver shook his head. He leaned down to kiss her forehead and Felicity froze as her entire body went cold then hot. Her mouth dropped open. “You've got the searches running. We don't need to be here for that. Wilcox will still be here tomorrow. I want to go home.” He wiggled his eyebrows. “I believe we're stocked up on mint chip and wine.”

Felicity clambered up from her chair and faced him. She knew her mouth was still gaping open. “Oliver?”

He cupped her cheek in his hand and frowned. “You okay?”

“You know,” Thea's voice sounded from behind them as she reappeared with Laurel trailing her both dressed in their street clothes, “you two are damn near depressing for us single ladies to watch. That much fluff is supposed to be reserved for bad romcoms.”

Laurel snorted. “Speak for yourself.” She cocked her head to the side and her smile dripped venom at Oliver. “I dated him. That's a bad trip I never want to relive.” She nodded again to Felicity and headed back for the stairs.

Oliver winced as he watched her go. Thea grinned at her big brother. “I like her so much better now that she's straight-up bitchy and not passive aggressive.”

Felicity nodded. “Me too.” Oliver threw her a mock-betrayed look and she couldn't help but snicker and shrug.

The man she loved finally smiled in acknowledgment, then pulled her close and tilted down to rest his forehead against hers. “You, me, Netflix?” Felicity nodded happily.

Thea scoffed in disgust. “Just make sure you two aren't late for lunch tomorrow, Felicity. I'm counting on you,” she reached out to poke Oliver in the shoulder, “cause I know him.” She spun on her heel and walked away, but waved at them over her shoulder. “I'm out.”

Oliver ran his hand over her back. He tilted further down and then his lips settled over hers and Felicity melted...

========== 

A blaring noise woke her up and Felicity gasped reaching for her phone on the nightstand. She felt breathless and jittery and so so tired. What time was it? She climbed out of bed, bumping her wound in the process of course, and hurried to get dressed. She was going to be late for work.

She was dragging as she scurried to her desk an hour later. Her hair was flat, she had shadows under her eyes, and she'd barely even convinced herself to bother with makeup. She gulped down a cup of coffee and pulled up Oliver's schedule for the day. 

“Felicity?”

She couldn't even be bothered to look up at him. She just grunted and waved and kept typing. A part of her honestly didn't want to see him after that strange dream...or...whatever the frack it had been. Her mind revolted at the word dream. It hadn't been a dream...it had been real...so real...

“Hey,” Digg's voice sounded and Felicity forced herself to look in his direction. He was staring at her concerned. “You okay? You look exhausted.”

“Understatement,” Felicity told him, but she painted on as genuine a smile as she could. “I'll be fine. Just need to survive the day.”

He lifted his brows and crossed his massive arms over his chest. “You could ask for the day off. You are walking wounded. He owes you.”

Felicity waved away his concern. “I'm fine, John. I've been through worse on a coding-binge. Coffee is my friend.” And she focused back on her work and tuned out the world. She didn't even want to exist today. She wanted the day to be over and to climb back into bed. 

Work ended and she headed to the lair. She plopped down into her chair and focused on the mission but she frowned as she found she'd typed the name Wilcox into her search frame. She backspaced it out and started over. Oliver and John arrived and she threw a hand at them over her shoulder, but didn't bother to look back. She heard Sara's voice join the mix, but she just kept typing. She honestly couldn't care less what they were up to. They suited up, they headed out, and she fed them intel on auto-pilot. 

As soon as Oliver called it, Felicity shut everything down, grabbed her purse, and headed for the door. She'd normally wait for them to return, but tonight she was over it. She wanted to sleep for a month. They'd survive...they always did.

Her head hit the pillow and she sighed in relief...finally...finally she could sleep.

Except she didn't. With a pop, Felicity was floating away again. She frowned abstractly at just how rough her body was looking. She really did look like hell. People needed sleep. It was kind of...required. If this didn't stop happening she might actually go insane. But then Felicity was rushing through flashes of color and images and snapping back toward a different body.

========== 

When she blinked, she wasn't tired anymore. She felt...alert and yet anxious. Then Oliver was handing her a glass of wine. “Here, you're tapping your foot. You need to relax.”

Felicity took a sip of wine and looked over her date with appreciation. Very few things were more appealing than Oliver in a tux. Of course, Oliver in his leathers definitely ranked so...yep, her man knew how to fill out some clothes.

Oliver smirked at her expression. “You haven't drank that much wine yet.”

She cocked a brow at him. “I don't need alcohol to objectify your body, mister. It's a talent.”

Pulling her close, Oliver ran his hand over the exposed skin of her back in the evening gown. “I'll let you objectify me all you want later, Felicity.”

“Yea,” John's voice sounded in their ears, “how about you two do that OFF comms?”

“Wilcox just entered,” Laurel said, “I'm moving in.” 

The couple looked around to see Laurel walking slowly toward their target. She was dressed to draw attention and it was working. Wilcox stopped in his tracks at the sight of the gorgeous blonde. He spoke and Laurel frowned keeping in character. She turned to face him and moved to engage. As they traded banter and light flirtation, Felicity slipped her phone out of her pocket and waited for the signal. Laurel laughed and took the scumbag's hand as she let him lead her toward the dance floor. The lawyer slipped her hand around his neck and Felicity did a small fist pump as the bug came online and a dot started blinking on her phone. “Signal acquired. Good job, Canary.”

Oliver leaned close and ran his lips along the curve of Felicity's ear. “How about we bow out early?”

Felicity pursed her lips and pretended to consider it. “I could be persuaded.”

Oliver tugged at her earlobe with his teeth. “Then let me persuade you.”

“Felicity,” Thea's voice was annoyed, “not even you have enough money to pay for the amount of therapy both me and John are gonna need unless you get the hell off COMMS!”

Felicity winced, but Oliver just grinned and reached up to discreetly tap the comm in her ear turning it off. He quickly did the same with his own. Then he turned with his other hand still resting on her lower back and led her toward the doors. “Oliver, we are supposed to be professionals!”

Oliver shook his head and clicked his tongue. “Then you shouldn't have worn that dress.”

==========

This time when she woke, she immediately tried to go back...she didn't want to be here...she wanted to go BACK!

Her phone was still blaring her alarm but Felicity didn't want to move. She didn't want to breathe. She tried to close her eyes and make it happen again. She growled in frustration as not only did she not pop outside of herself, but she couldn't even pass out and finally get some damn sleep. Giving up, she crawled out of bed and stumbled like a zombie toward her closet. Get through the day...she just had to get through the fracking day...

The pattern continued for two more weeks. Long miserable days of exhaustion and nights full of passion and hope and love. Felicity didn't know what was actually happening. She couldn't explain it and by this point she didn't even care. She was existing in this miserable life every day as she woke in her lonely bed and forced herself to walk through the motions. She was empty and numb and she just didn't care...because she knew the nights were coming. She knew she would close her eyes and this would all fade away. She'd be happy and fulfilled and loved. Oliver was waiting on her... her Oliver...not Laurel's or Sara's. And that was her reality now...that was what mattered...not this faded dull expanse full of pain and disappointment and loneliness.

She knew rationally a confrontation was imminent. She just didn't care. John tried to talk to her about it every single day. She nodded and told him she was fine and walked away. She was a big girl. He couldn't force her to confide in him. And Oliver? She didn't really look at Oliver anymore. She used email and the intercom. She fed him intel over comms without a problem. When she had no other option, she stared just over his shoulder and pretended. She never met his eyes...she didn't want to. The only pair of those eyes she wanted to meet were the ones shining with love for her. He was probably worried too. She'd heard him whispering with John. She just couldn't be bothered to confront them about it. They didn't understand...none of this MATTERED. She didn't care about the here anymore. This was only what she had to suffer through until she could get back there.

Even Sara knew something was very wrong. The woman tried to question Felicity about nightmares, about abuse, about possible eating disorders. Felicity wondered why Sara would possibly believe that she would pass over confiding in JOHN and instead spill her guts to a virtual stranger. She considered briefly just telling the blonde vigilante that the last person she wanted to share with was the woman fucking the man that she loved. Not that Felicity cared anymore. Sara could have him. Felicity had her own Oliver and she only had to endure and get back to the end of this pointless day to find him. 

And then it came...

“Felicity,” John faced her holding a syringe full of some liquid in his hand, “you have to sleep. I don't want to do this, but you won't TALK to me! You have to sleep! You're sick!”

Oliver was on one side and Sara on the other. They had her boxed in like she'd try to escape. She wondered when they'd all gone stupid. Escaping would take energy and effort...and Felicity couldn't be bothered to summon either.

She canted her head to the side and stared balefully at John. “You're going to drug me now?”

“You have to sleep!” he said again.

And Felicity laughed. Her shoulders shook and she knew she was sort of hysterical, but really? Did he think it was going to be that easy? “It won't work, John,” she told him. “I have been sleeping...” but she paused because that wasn't actually true and she didn't feel like lying to him anymore, “or well...lying in bed and closing my eyes and losing consciousness anyway.” She shrugged. “You can inject me with that if you want. Hopefully you'll just get me there sooner.”

“Get you where?” Sara wondered.

Felicity sighed. “The other world...my other world...my real world maybe?”

“What are you talking about?” Oliver demanded. He stepped closer to Felicity and she jerked away instinctively. She didn't want him close to her. He wasn't her Oliver. “What other world, Felicity? THIS is your real world! What is going on?”

“I don't know,” Felicity told them honestly. “I can't really figure it out and I just don't care anymore.” She leaned toward John and lowered her voice to a whisper. “I like it better there.”

John frowned and tried to piece it all together. “You go to sleep...”

“I TRY to go to sleep,” Felicity corrected, “and then I just...go away. My body stays here and I don't know why it doesn't get any rest cause it's not like it's doing anything, but when I come back and wake up I'm still exhausted and I can't really think...” she frowned and stared down at the floor, “and I just stopped caring because this world's fail anyway.”

“Your mind isn't getting any rest,” Sara realized and maybe she was smarter than Felicity had given her credit for. “Whatever is happening to you, it's keeping your mind, your brain, from reaching REM sleep.”

“Okay,” Felicity nodded cause SURE...whatever. She pointed back to John. “But that still isn't going to work.” She held out her arm to her partner. “Feel free to try.” Hell, she hoped it knocked her on her ass. “My team's probably waiting on me right now,” she muttered.

“What TEAM?” Oliver growled.

“Ollie,” Sara warned, “take a beat. You're not helping.”

“She won't even LOOK at me!” Oliver forced.

Oh, he'd noticed that? Oops.

Felicity turned in his direction and carefully kept her eyes locked over his shoulder. “Sorry about that,” she told him. “It's just confusing and you're all _you_ here and I just don't want to deal with it.”

“What do you mean he's all him here, Felicity?” Sara asked gently.

And suddenly Felicity felt really guilty. Because she knew, rationally, that none of this was Sara's fault. She had no reason to dislike Sara. Sara was awesome and badass and she didn't deserve Felicity's bullshit just because the IT nerd couldn't convince her stubborn heart to give up on Oliver. Sara would probably make a really awesome friend if Felicity...you know, CARED anymore...or actually wanted to be here at all.

“I mean he's all...he's YOUR Oliver here,” Felicity found herself telling the other blonde.

Sara's eyes were knowing. “And he's not my Oliver there?”

Felicity groaned and threw her hands in the air before bringing them to rub over her face. “I swear to god this is not me being pathetic! I didn't ask for this! It just happened,” she dropped her hands and stared at John mournfully, “and then it kept happening and I couldn't make it stop and I couldn't get any rest and then...” she felt her eyes sting and looked down, “then it was SO much better there! I fit there and I'm happy and...”

“And so why would you want to be here,” Sara realized.

Felicity shrugged.

“Felicity,” John stepped forward and pulled her into a hug, “we love you, girl. Don't you know that? We NEED you here. We have to fix this.”

Felicity shook her head panicked. “NO! No, there's nothing to fix!”

“Felicity this is killing you!” John forced. He took her face in his hands and made her meet his eyes. “You are fading away!”

And Felicity blinked and felt two tears escape to trail down her cheeks. She shrugged and tried to make him understand. “Well, maybe if I fade away here...I'll just stay there.”

And Oliver exploded. Felicity flinched as she heard crashes of metal and glass and animalistic growls and curses. “OLIVER!” Sara moved to contain him.

John kept his focus on his friend...his surrogate little sister. “We love you, Felicity. We can't let you go.”

Felicity closed her eyes and rested against him. “I love you too, John. I'm just so tired.”

“I know things are hard,” John told her, “and I know you're tired more than just physically. I'm sure that world is wonderful, Felicity, and I'm so glad you're happy there.” He hugged her close. “But you can be happy here, girl. You can't give up on us. You...you can't give up on him.” He looked down at her. “He needs you, Felicity. You are his light. And he can't do this without you...even if he's not ready to admit that yet.”

And Felicity finally admitted what she'd been desperately trying to hide. “My Oliver needs me too.”

John sighed and shook his head. “He has his own Felicity.” He notched his chin toward the commotion taking place behind her. “That's YOUR Oliver...and he's been losing his mind for weeks sick with worry over you, Smoak. He's burning up with self-hatred because he knew something was wrong and that it all came back to him.”

“It's not just about him,” Felicity insisted. But John hit her with his truth-detector stare. “Okay, it's mostly about him...but there are other things...other happy things.”

John nodded. “And you can have those happy things here just like you do there. It just takes time...and work.”

Felicity forced herself to push through the fog and think about that. And suddenly what he was saying made sense...too much sense. “I have to earn it,” she realized, “we have to earn it.”

“And we will,” John told her, “but you can't give up on us. You have to keep fighting. You have to stay here.”

Felicity took a deep breath and closed her eyes. She thought about her Oliver...she thought about her team...she thought about nights at home with mint chip and Netflix...about dancing with his hand sliding lower on her back...about Thea's sarcastic drawl and Laurel's rolling eyes...she thought about John, her rock, her big brother...and as more tears slid free to roll down her cheeks she silently let them all go...for now...she was determined it was only for now. She would get there again. They all would.

Forcing herself to feel, to really feel for the first time in weeks, Felicity opened her eyes again and looked back up at John. She nodded. “You need to take my blood before injecting me with that. Run it for any anomalies and we might need to send some off to S.T.A.R. Labs.”

“Okay,” he bent to kiss her forehead before stepping away and moving to gather his supplies.

Felicity sucked up her gumption and turned to face the rest of the room. She immediately scowled in outrage. She found Oliver facing off with Sara and stomped in his direction. She met his eyes...his wrecked, devastated eyes, and he froze. “YOU,” she pointed at him and wiggled her finger, “your hissy fit KILLED one of my babies, Oliver!” Now she pointed to the broken monitor laying on the floor. “And you better FIX IT...or I will paint your leathers and you can be the FUCHSIA Arrow!”

Sara barked out a laugh but Felicity could see the relief shining in blonde vigilante's eyes. “I'd buy that poster.”

But Oliver only stared at her. His eyes said he was sorry, that he was relieved, that was so grateful, that he...but Felicity knew they weren't ready to deal with any of that yet. She was still...well she was still whatever she was and they needed to get this figured out before they dealt with anything else. She and Oliver had time. And Felicity knew where they were going. She didn't care if she had to drag him there. It wouldn't be the first time she'd had to drag him kicking and screaming to where he needed to be. She was starting to believe that was just her job.

“Felicity?” John's voice sounded behind her and Felicity finally broke their stare. She turned to look at her other partner. He lifted his brows. “You ready?”

And she decided that she was. She took in one more deep breath and blew it out as she stepped back into the fight. “More than. Let's get this done.”

==========


End file.
